Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A Different Way to Talk About Issues

I just do not understand how somebody gives up so easily without ever trying to take another step forward. Some hurdles one cannot get over without some kind of assist. Standing on the other side of the wall and complaining about it being too tall only to walk away from something beautiful on the other side is just plain lazy and giving into fear. Try to get past the obstacle, if the method one is using is ineffective then one should choose another tool. It is not in a Warrior's being to give up on a challenge.

One could say that change has happened on their part. Yes, change has happened and it is not a good feeling when it appears that the same effort to change has not been met by their counterparts. Even so, one cannot rely on the changes that one has made if they do not continue to progress one into the direction they would like to go. It bothers me when people say that they have done this and that, but what have you done? Instead, ask oneself what needs to be done. Do not just complain about the situation, offer solutions.

Solutions come from all kinds of places. It could be reading a book or some articles together. Following reading, the people involved should then discuss what they like or dislike about the material. Once that has been done then the parties could address what they would like to implement. I like consistency, so I appreciate when it is all written down. Everyone can see what is written and have involvement in making changes or defining what something means. Then to formalize it all an option is to create a contract. Everyone would know and understand what is expected and what would happen if those expectations were not met. I also believe that the contract should be revisited at least once a month. This meeting should be at a time and place that is accessible to all the parties involved. In smaller groups, this works so much better than something like a town meeting. It works especially well in a family, if people are all on board with the idea and are consistent with its implementation.

Involving people in the solutions is key to success. Giving others the power to resolve issues and offer solutions makes it so the feeling of helplessness is not a major factor in decision making. I take pleasure in honesty. When honesty hurts I cry, when I am upset I cry, but when I feel like I am involved and people are trying to come to a positive place then I may cry but I feel empowered. Empowerment means less anger, less frustration.

I implore you to look for tools before deciding a challenge is not worth taking. People can overcome many challenges, but what we most often fail at are challenges that will further our relationships with people we expect to "just get it right." If expecting is not doing it for you, then create something everyone can rely on, do not just give up on those people you once held dear in your heart.

As my dear friend recently reminded me of my favorite quote, "We must be the change we wish to see in this World. - Ghandi" I reflect on my personal mis-doings. I have hurt so many and little have I chosen a path that I know will be successful. When will I, when will you, be the change we want to see in this world. Take charge of your destiny. If you love someone, maybe the best thing is not to always let the bird fly free, maybe it is to create a more loving place for the bird to spend time with you.

I apologize for hurting others that I care about. I love you and I want to embrace your shortfalls next to mine.

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