Life does not come pre-packaged with easy to follow instructions. I have failed in many aspects of being a good friend to myself and to others. For years, I have lamented in personal growth only to find myself staring at the same failures over and over again. Once again, I have decided to take a step back in order to be able to move forward in my emotional growth. It is time to re-evaluate my path.
This blog entry is dedicated to a few steps in the right direction towards better emotional health.
One of the steps I have chosen to take, an old time somewhat reliable method, is to return to counseling. It is not because I am crazy. It is because it will give me a place to share my feelings under the guidance of a trained professional. I need to personally figure out why I keep falling back into unhealthy emotional habits and finally grow out of this stage of life. I am an adult, dang it.
Another thing I have chosen to do for myself is to attend some local meetings. One of the meetings is a La Leche League (LLL) meeting. It would be nice to have a group of women I can come face to face with and find support. Issues around partner support and resentment of extended breasfeeding and personally supporting the secure independence of DD2 are some of my concerns. Another type of meeting I would like to go to is a co-dependents anonymous meeting. I am not defining myself as a co-dependent, I would just like to explore different support networks.
I am going to make an effort to get out of the house more. I get so wound up in household tasks, taking care of DD2, schoolwork, etc, that I hardly ever get out. Some places I would like to visit more are the farmer's market, library at storytime, local parks & beaches....
I am also lacking in my knowledge of what it takes to be a military spouse. Not much can prepare one for the stresses of an Army lifestyle or a spouse that is definately not an underachiever. Thus, I have started exploring daily the online resources that Military One Source has available. I am amazed at the abundance of information they have out there.
Every night I have decided to write 5 things that I feel gratitude for having or experiencing. When I do so, I will try to feel the gratitude and let it fill me up. I will do this for at least a month since most habits take a month to form. Maybe each morning after will seem a bit more bright and welcoming.
I want to be a good friend, move away from past issues, look forward to tomorrow, be secure in my self and my relationship, and show my children that people are capable of growing.